Looking over at the couch and seeing Charly snuggled up against Mad Dog, both of them sound asleep.
Coming home to a furnace that is working. It's amazing how much we take for granted.
Hugging a good friend I hadn't seen in a long time.
Meeting someone new and having an instant feeling that we'll have a great friendship.
Lifting more weight at the gym than ever before.
Putting a surprise present in the mail to a friend.
Sunshine after a day of clouds.
Finishing a homemade present for Mad Dog.
A window seat in the front of the plane.
When all my flights are on time without any delays.
Taking a leap of faith, and having it all work out better than I could have hoped.
Brainstorming in a group, and blurting out an idea so perfect it gave me goose bumps.
After a rough/long week of work, coming home to pizza and beer.
Receiving an unexpected and very generous gift from a friend.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
What Makes Your Neurons Fire?
This week I read a great article in the beautiful online magazine Fearless that profiled the author and consultant Pam Slim. I love Pam's work, and I love what she had to say about doing more of the things we love. The way she describes it, we really need to know what makes our neurons fire, so that we can design our lives to do more of those things. In other words (1) figure out what makes our neurons fire, then (2) spend more time doing that, so that (3) our lives will be fuller and happier and more meaningful.
Playing frisbee makes Charly's neurons fire. When Charly plays frisbee, he completely loses himself in the activity, he is completely focused on the frisbee and finding it and bringing it back to me. He will literally play frisbee until he drops from exhaustion. As you can see from the photo, he plays until his tongue hangs out. He plays even though he has a mouth full of grass, and he's tired and thirsty. These things don't matter because he's having pure fun. Frisbee makes his neurons fire.
I think the concept of neurons firing is a great and simple way to think about our life, our passion and our work. Instead of trying to figure out the BIG perfect career, we can start by focusing on the smaller, daily details. We can start by being aware of the day to day activities that make our neurons fire. And sometimes, the neurons don't fire in the office - sometimes they fire at the dog park. Or on the hiking path or the running track or in the kitchen when we are baking. Or making soup.
When our neurons fire, we get excited and we get creative. When we get excited, we get energized and motivated and we pour ourselves into our work. And our work doesn't feel like work because it feels like play.
When that happens, our emotional excitement is contagious, and our joy spreads, because people want more of what we are doing. They want to know what's making us so happy.
Just the simple state of our excitement, joy, pleasure and contentment is enough to make people want to work with us, to spend more time with us. Our joy can make people want to buy our products or hire us or refer us. I don't mean for this to sound simplistic, but when we are happy, people want to connect with us more. When I played frisbee with Charly at the park this week, I had 3 people come over and ask if their kids could throw the frisbee for Charly. Of course I said yes.
Start by figuring out what makes your neurons fire. Make a list of the times during the past 6 months when your neurons fired, and you felt excited and energized and creative. When did you feel like Charly playing frisbee? Then do more of that and see where that leads you. Be open to whatever shifts. And if playing frisbee is what makes your neurons fire, then go do that. And if you want to call Charly, he'd love to play frisbee with you, anytime.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Do You Want The Rest Of Your Life To Be Like Today?
I used to daydream about my life and my future in large, grand visions about the future. I used to think about what I wanted my perfect, ideal job to be, where I would work, and how I would define my life and my role. I didn’t think much about any details, I simply thought about the big picture. And my dreams weren’t ambitious in traditional terms, I never wanted to chase a paycheck or an important title. Instead, I daydreamed about travel adventures and art.
However, I have gone through some important shifts during the past couple years and now I spend more time thinking about the daily details of my life. Instead of wondering about the big picture, now I spend more time reflecting on the small things. Now I spend time every day examining and questioning the daily details of my life. I do this because examining the daily details can help us figure out our bigger picture values.
The question I ask myself most frequently now is this one: “Is today how I want the rest of my life to be?”
When I’m driving to work every morning, I wonder how I feel about commuting to a large corporate office. Do I want to work in an office with 1000 other people? When I’m having lunch in the company cafeteria, I wonder: Is this where and what I want to be eating? When I’m in meetings, I wonder: Are these people I want to be spending my time with? When I drive home at night, I wonder: Is this how I want to feel after a long day of work? Am I driving home to meet someone I want to have dinner with for the next fifty years? When I look at my calendar for the day ahead at work, I ask myself: Do I believe these are important projects to invest my time in? These are just a few of the daily questions I ask.
When I hear about other job possibilities in other cities, I wonder: How would my daily life be different in Dallas or Miami or Atlanta? Would I be able to ride my bike, and run with my dog, and eat dinner on my patio?
All day, every day, I can ask myself reflective questions that help me evaluate my level of satisfaction and also help me design my future. It doesn’t matter if I like the answers to my questions, the point is that by examining the answers, I can get smarter about what makes me happy and satisfied. The answers to all these questions can reveal so much about our most genuine desires.
When we look at all these answers together, we can determine what we are organizing our life around today, and what we WANT to organize our life around in the future.
ORGANIZING YOUR LIFE
People organize their life around VERY different things. The thing you organize your life around is that thing that is most important to you, it’s the thing that comes first before everything else.
You can organize your life around living in a geographic location.
You can organize your life around your art.
However, I have gone through some important shifts during the past couple years and now I spend more time thinking about the daily details of my life. Instead of wondering about the big picture, now I spend more time reflecting on the small things. Now I spend time every day examining and questioning the daily details of my life. I do this because examining the daily details can help us figure out our bigger picture values.
The question I ask myself most frequently now is this one: “Is today how I want the rest of my life to be?”
When I’m driving to work every morning, I wonder how I feel about commuting to a large corporate office. Do I want to work in an office with 1000 other people? When I’m having lunch in the company cafeteria, I wonder: Is this where and what I want to be eating? When I’m in meetings, I wonder: Are these people I want to be spending my time with? When I drive home at night, I wonder: Is this how I want to feel after a long day of work? Am I driving home to meet someone I want to have dinner with for the next fifty years? When I look at my calendar for the day ahead at work, I ask myself: Do I believe these are important projects to invest my time in? These are just a few of the daily questions I ask.
When I hear about other job possibilities in other cities, I wonder: How would my daily life be different in Dallas or Miami or Atlanta? Would I be able to ride my bike, and run with my dog, and eat dinner on my patio?
All day, every day, I can ask myself reflective questions that help me evaluate my level of satisfaction and also help me design my future. It doesn’t matter if I like the answers to my questions, the point is that by examining the answers, I can get smarter about what makes me happy and satisfied. The answers to all these questions can reveal so much about our most genuine desires.
When we look at all these answers together, we can determine what we are organizing our life around today, and what we WANT to organize our life around in the future.
ORGANIZING YOUR LIFE
People organize their life around VERY different things. The thing you organize your life around is that thing that is most important to you, it’s the thing that comes first before everything else.
You can organize your life around living in a geographic location.
You can organize your life around your art.
You can organize your life around your sport.
You can organize your life around travel.
You can organize your life around a financial paycheck.
You can organize your life around another person or people.
You can organize your life around working outside in the sunshine.
You can organize your life around a medical condition.
You can organize your life around using your strengths.
You can organize your life around your hobby.
You can organize your life around your passion.
You can organize your life around your purpose.
Right now, I am organizing my life around being in Tucson, with the person I love. That comes first. Everything else can be designed around that, because the other things have more flexibility. I love the lifestyle I have in Tucson – rarely do I have to drive on the freeway, frequently I exercise outside, I appreciate the landscape and the mountains, and I value the diversity of people who live here. I like that this town is casual, the opposite of pretentious, and it has its own character. I like living someplace with character and mountains in all four directions.
Less important to me is trying to maximize my paycheck, living close to family members, travel, or working outside. I am moderately focused on incorporating my passions and my purpose in my work, but that part is growing every day.
EVOLVING YOUR VALUES
The things that matter to me now are different than they were ten years ago. Which is true for most people. What you care about at age 25 is different from age 40 and very different from age 55. It’s natural for our careabouts to change each decade.
These days, I have learned that my daily environment matters. I want to see sunshine; I want windows and space and daylight. I don’t want to spend hours a day in my car commuting to an office. I do want to spend time every day exercising, and I want to have time to play with my dog, and I have to have time for all the important relationships in my life.
I’m also discovering that it’s important for me to have autonomy over elements of my work. I want to make choices about the types of projects I work and who I spend time working with. More importantly though, I really want to feel that my contributions are making a difference for someone in the world.
Dan Pink writes in his new book Drive, that the workforce today values three critical things and he even has an acronym for it: AMP. People desire Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
The questions I’ve listed above have been helpful for me to evaluate the elements of my life. Constantly asking myself questions has helped me reconsider my values and priorities, and it’s helping me design my future.
My hope is that by asking yourself these questions, you can make new discoveries about yourself, your values, and the quality of your daily experiences.
Don’t get caught up and overwhelmed asking yourself the BIG life questions. Instead, try asking yourself the smaller questions, because those are easier to answer and smaller to tackle.
You can organize your life around travel.
You can organize your life around a financial paycheck.
You can organize your life around another person or people.
You can organize your life around working outside in the sunshine.
You can organize your life around a medical condition.
You can organize your life around using your strengths.
You can organize your life around your hobby.
You can organize your life around your passion.
You can organize your life around your purpose.
Right now, I am organizing my life around being in Tucson, with the person I love. That comes first. Everything else can be designed around that, because the other things have more flexibility. I love the lifestyle I have in Tucson – rarely do I have to drive on the freeway, frequently I exercise outside, I appreciate the landscape and the mountains, and I value the diversity of people who live here. I like that this town is casual, the opposite of pretentious, and it has its own character. I like living someplace with character and mountains in all four directions.
Less important to me is trying to maximize my paycheck, living close to family members, travel, or working outside. I am moderately focused on incorporating my passions and my purpose in my work, but that part is growing every day.
EVOLVING YOUR VALUES
The things that matter to me now are different than they were ten years ago. Which is true for most people. What you care about at age 25 is different from age 40 and very different from age 55. It’s natural for our careabouts to change each decade.
These days, I have learned that my daily environment matters. I want to see sunshine; I want windows and space and daylight. I don’t want to spend hours a day in my car commuting to an office. I do want to spend time every day exercising, and I want to have time to play with my dog, and I have to have time for all the important relationships in my life.
I’m also discovering that it’s important for me to have autonomy over elements of my work. I want to make choices about the types of projects I work and who I spend time working with. More importantly though, I really want to feel that my contributions are making a difference for someone in the world.
Dan Pink writes in his new book Drive, that the workforce today values three critical things and he even has an acronym for it: AMP. People desire Autonomy, Mastery, and Purpose.
- Autonomy to determine when, where, on what and with whom they work.
- Mastery to learn and develop themselves to become competent.
- Purpose to align their work with a broader purpose, to make a contribution.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
The questions I’ve listed above have been helpful for me to evaluate the elements of my life. Constantly asking myself questions has helped me reconsider my values and priorities, and it’s helping me design my future.
My hope is that by asking yourself these questions, you can make new discoveries about yourself, your values, and the quality of your daily experiences.
Don’t get caught up and overwhelmed asking yourself the BIG life questions. Instead, try asking yourself the smaller questions, because those are easier to answer and smaller to tackle.
- Were you excited about your day when you woke up this morning?
- Were you happy to see the people you saw today?
- Did you spend time with the important people in your life?
- Did you find yourself smiling or laughing today?
- Were you relaxed and content when you were at home?
- Do you wish that the rest of your life would be more like today?
There are no wrong answers to these questions. But the quality of our days will determine the quality of our lives. So I hope that asking small but important questions can help all of us make our own best choices - every day, every month, and every year.
Friday, February 11, 2011
What Do Surfing and Chess Have In Common?
I have never in my life played chess and I really don’t feel like I’m missing out on much. I have however spent about eight wonderful weeks of my life surfing in Costa Rica, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Even when I was getting absolutely pummeled by the waves. Surfing is like golf that way: even a bad day surfing is better than a good day in the office.
While surfing is a very complete physical activity, chess is the polar opposite – it’s a completely intellectual activity that requires no physical activity. It turns out you can play chess online and apparently there are a lot of people who do this every single day. Who knew? The online chess games even have a system for ranking the ability of every player, based on wins, losses, and overall skill level. This makes the world of online chess a very awesome place to conduct scientific research, because there is a lot of data about individual performance being accumulated on a daily basis. Rather than bringing chess players into a psychology lab, the online gaming environment can become the psychology lab. Which is exactly what a handful of researchers have done.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is a VERY well known psychology researcher who coined the idea of flow. He theorized that people are happiest when they are in a state of flow, and then investigated all the elements of flow. The flow state happens when someone is fully immersed and engaged in what they are doing, and they lose track of time. There are actually nine specific components of flow:
- There are clear goals identified for the activity
- A high degree of concentration is required
- There is a loss of self-consciousness
- One’s experience of time is altered
- There is direct and immediate feedback regarding performance
- There’s a balance between ability level and challenge
- The person has a sense of control over the activity
- The activity is intrinsically rewarding
- There’s a lack of awareness of bodily needs (hunger, sleep, etc.)
I’ve personally discovered that surfing is the area where I experience flow the most often. My goal is very clear: catch the wave and stay standing up on the surfboard. I have to really concentrate to catch the wave at just the right time at the right speed. Then I have to concentrate to find the right position on the wave. I definitely lose any sense of self-consciousness. My sense of time is clearly altered – riding a wave for fifteen seconds can feel like twenty minutes. If I fail at the task, I know it immediately as I crash and go tumbling into the wave. I have control over how I position my body and the surfboard. I also lose awareness of bodily needs such as food and meals. In other words, surfing in a guaranteed method for me to experience flow. When I first read about flow, it provided a complete explanation for why I love surfing so much, and why some people quit their jobs to become a poor homeless sunburnt surf bum.
The bottom line is that most human beings all like to be in flow, and people are generally happiest and most productive in a state of flow. Who wouldn’t want more flow in their life?
What’s important to know is that in order to achieve a flow state, a balance must be struck between the challenge of the task and the skill of the performer. If the task is too easy the person will be bored or apathetic. If the task is too difficult, the person will be frustrated. So the skill level and the level of the challenge must be well matched. When that match is made well, the person experiences flow and life is good.
It’s probably best to think about this related to sports. Think of yourself skiing down a hill. If you are a skier, there are certain runs you go down that really challenge you just the right amount so you have to concentrate and your senses are heightened. If the hill is too easy, you coast down without much challenge. If the hill is too hard, you will probably crash and burn. But when the hill is JUST the right amount of difficulty, you have to concentrate and focus. Then when you conquer the hill, you feel a strong sense of exhilaration. That is flow.
Back to the research about chess. In the experimental laboratory known as online chess, the researchers decided to survey chess players immediately after each of their games, to determine how happy and satisfied they were with the chess game they had just completed. Over some period of time (days or weeks) they collected all this survey data and analyzed it, along with all the player rankings and scores.
You could theorize the chess players were happiest after they won their chess game. But you would be wrong. The chess players were consistently happiest after they had finished playing an opponent 5-10% better than they were, as measured by overall player ranking. Regardless of whether they won or lost, they enjoyed the game the most when their opponent was just slightly better than them. Why? Because that presented the most energizing and engaging challenge, and that amount of challenge was consistently satisfying. That amount of challenge created a state of flow.
This research then, provides evidence for the fact that we need the right amount of challenge to experience flow and happiness in our life. When I am surfing, I need to find waves that are not too small, but not too large. Because even if I crash after taking on a tough wave, I’ll still feel satisfaction and happiness from the challenge. And with every crash, I’m continuing to get better and improve my surfing skills. In other words, there’s also a probable correlation between learning and happiness.
This research makes me wonder, where in your life are you pushing yourself to a 5-10% challenge? Where are you feeling energized from the stretch? Are you feeling bored and complacent from being too comfortable? Or overwhelmed by too much challenge?
My hope for you today is that you have some area in your life where you are experiencing flow, some area where you are feeling just the right amount of challenge to promote your own growth, your own learning and your own happiness.
You don’t have to go surfing or place chess online. These are just two examples and there are a million other opportunities for you to find flow.
But don’t settle for comfort and complacency when something more satisfying is possible. Just go find flow wherever you find it.
While surfing is a very complete physical activity, chess is the polar opposite – it’s a completely intellectual activity that requires no physical activity. It turns out you can play chess online and apparently there are a lot of people who do this every single day. Who knew? The online chess games even have a system for ranking the ability of every player, based on wins, losses, and overall skill level. This makes the world of online chess a very awesome place to conduct scientific research, because there is a lot of data about individual performance being accumulated on a daily basis. Rather than bringing chess players into a psychology lab, the online gaming environment can become the psychology lab. Which is exactly what a handful of researchers have done.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is a VERY well known psychology researcher who coined the idea of flow. He theorized that people are happiest when they are in a state of flow, and then investigated all the elements of flow. The flow state happens when someone is fully immersed and engaged in what they are doing, and they lose track of time. There are actually nine specific components of flow:
- There are clear goals identified for the activity
- A high degree of concentration is required
- There is a loss of self-consciousness
- One’s experience of time is altered
- There is direct and immediate feedback regarding performance
- There’s a balance between ability level and challenge
- The person has a sense of control over the activity
- The activity is intrinsically rewarding
- There’s a lack of awareness of bodily needs (hunger, sleep, etc.)
I’ve personally discovered that surfing is the area where I experience flow the most often. My goal is very clear: catch the wave and stay standing up on the surfboard. I have to really concentrate to catch the wave at just the right time at the right speed. Then I have to concentrate to find the right position on the wave. I definitely lose any sense of self-consciousness. My sense of time is clearly altered – riding a wave for fifteen seconds can feel like twenty minutes. If I fail at the task, I know it immediately as I crash and go tumbling into the wave. I have control over how I position my body and the surfboard. I also lose awareness of bodily needs such as food and meals. In other words, surfing in a guaranteed method for me to experience flow. When I first read about flow, it provided a complete explanation for why I love surfing so much, and why some people quit their jobs to become a poor homeless sunburnt surf bum.
The bottom line is that most human beings all like to be in flow, and people are generally happiest and most productive in a state of flow. Who wouldn’t want more flow in their life?
What’s important to know is that in order to achieve a flow state, a balance must be struck between the challenge of the task and the skill of the performer. If the task is too easy the person will be bored or apathetic. If the task is too difficult, the person will be frustrated. So the skill level and the level of the challenge must be well matched. When that match is made well, the person experiences flow and life is good.
It’s probably best to think about this related to sports. Think of yourself skiing down a hill. If you are a skier, there are certain runs you go down that really challenge you just the right amount so you have to concentrate and your senses are heightened. If the hill is too easy, you coast down without much challenge. If the hill is too hard, you will probably crash and burn. But when the hill is JUST the right amount of difficulty, you have to concentrate and focus. Then when you conquer the hill, you feel a strong sense of exhilaration. That is flow.
Back to the research about chess. In the experimental laboratory known as online chess, the researchers decided to survey chess players immediately after each of their games, to determine how happy and satisfied they were with the chess game they had just completed. Over some period of time (days or weeks) they collected all this survey data and analyzed it, along with all the player rankings and scores.
You could theorize the chess players were happiest after they won their chess game. But you would be wrong. The chess players were consistently happiest after they had finished playing an opponent 5-10% better than they were, as measured by overall player ranking. Regardless of whether they won or lost, they enjoyed the game the most when their opponent was just slightly better than them. Why? Because that presented the most energizing and engaging challenge, and that amount of challenge was consistently satisfying. That amount of challenge created a state of flow.
This research then, provides evidence for the fact that we need the right amount of challenge to experience flow and happiness in our life. When I am surfing, I need to find waves that are not too small, but not too large. Because even if I crash after taking on a tough wave, I’ll still feel satisfaction and happiness from the challenge. And with every crash, I’m continuing to get better and improve my surfing skills. In other words, there’s also a probable correlation between learning and happiness.
This research makes me wonder, where in your life are you pushing yourself to a 5-10% challenge? Where are you feeling energized from the stretch? Are you feeling bored and complacent from being too comfortable? Or overwhelmed by too much challenge?
My hope for you today is that you have some area in your life where you are experiencing flow, some area where you are feeling just the right amount of challenge to promote your own growth, your own learning and your own happiness.
You don’t have to go surfing or place chess online. These are just two examples and there are a million other opportunities for you to find flow.
But don’t settle for comfort and complacency when something more satisfying is possible. Just go find flow wherever you find it.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
What If Everything In Your Life Is A Test?
This has been a very odd week here in Tucson,in several different ways. We’ve had record cold weather - as in EIGHTEEN DEGREE WEATHER, which caused hundreds of pipes to freeze and break all over town. Many businesses were closed and many people were without water. And well the gas company ran out of gas, can you believe that? Thursday morning, we lost gas to our house, which meant no heat, no hot water/showers, and no oven gas. So what was life like here? A cold house, without showers and without hot food. That equates to NO FUN and plenty of crankiness.
We were in good company with our lack of heat – 14,400 homes around Tucson did not have heat this week. The worst part of the problem was that the gas company had to physically come to our home to reconnect our gas service, which meant that not only was our home only 54 degrees, but we had to STAY in our home for 2 days and wait for the gas company. If the gas company came by and you weren’t home, they would not reconnect your gas service. How twisted is that?
This situation created several personal challenges for 3 days:
- The unpleasant experience of sleeping when it was 54 degrees
- The inconvenience of having to go to my gym for hot showers
- The crankiness of Mad Dog who was NOT a happy camper without heat
- The schedule challenge of having to be physically at home for 2.5 days
- The challenge of cooking food without an oven
Don’t get me wrong, I fully realize that many people have much greater challenges and this was only a very minor hardship we experienced. However, this caused me to think about how people react to much greater challenges on much longer timeframes. And I realized that each and every challenge we experience could actually be used to test our commitments, to see how serious we are about our life and our goals. For example:
- Even though I hated the cold weather, was I still committed to living in Tucson?
- Even though Mad Dog was cranky and grumpy, could I still be patient and love him completely?
- Even though I couldn’t cook my planned meals, was I still committed to eating healthy?
- Even though I couldn’t shower, was I still committed to exercising?
As it turned out, I failed at several of my commitments this week – because of this situation I skipped the gym and ate some junky food - like pizza (because it could be delivered). However, I think I succeeded at still loving Mad Dog – I knew that I could still love him and be patient, even when he was grumpy. And for the most part I adapted to the schedule challenge – Mad Dog and I just took turns staying at home waiting for the gas company.
But I realized that almost all challenges we face could be reframed in our life to be viewed as tests, that are simply put in front of us to test how serious we are about our commitments, our goals, and our values. Challenging situations can be used to test us. And they can prompt some powerful reflection in our life. Think about these examples:
- If your exercise partner calls you before your morning run and cancels on you, will you STILL keep your commitment to exercise every day? Or will you use that opportunity to hit snooze?
- If you start your own business and you have a few slow months, and your primary customer cancels their contract, are you STILL committed to building your new business?
- If you are committed to saving 10% of your salary for your retirement fund, and your best friend invites you on a Caribbean vacation, will you STILL keep your commitment to saving 10% of your salary?
- If you are committed to your spouse/life partner, but he or she goes through a rough couple months, causing them stress and irritation, are you still sure you are committed to them?
- If you are committed to cutting sugar out of your diet, but you go to a work meeting where they are serving your very favorite, all time favorite cookies, are you still committed to not eating sugar?
It’s so easy to make a commitment when the situation is cooperating and things are running smoothly. But what about when things are NOT running smoothly, will you still be committed? Do you care enough about any goal in your life to persevere NO MATTER WHAT? Will you allow the challenges you face to reinforce your commitment instead of derail it? I think it’s important that we be aware of our TRUE level of commitment to our goals.
I realize now that if I was 100% committed to my own fitness, I would not have skipped my CrossFit class this week. If I was 100% committed to eating healthier, I would not have ordered pizza when the oven was off. I let the gas situation derail my weekly structure. And while there is something to be said for being flexible and adapting to a situation, I could have adapted AND exercised. But I didn’t - I caved in and used the excuse to be lazy.
We were in good company with our lack of heat – 14,400 homes around Tucson did not have heat this week. The worst part of the problem was that the gas company had to physically come to our home to reconnect our gas service, which meant that not only was our home only 54 degrees, but we had to STAY in our home for 2 days and wait for the gas company. If the gas company came by and you weren’t home, they would not reconnect your gas service. How twisted is that?
This situation created several personal challenges for 3 days:
- The unpleasant experience of sleeping when it was 54 degrees
- The inconvenience of having to go to my gym for hot showers
- The crankiness of Mad Dog who was NOT a happy camper without heat
- The schedule challenge of having to be physically at home for 2.5 days
- The challenge of cooking food without an oven
Don’t get me wrong, I fully realize that many people have much greater challenges and this was only a very minor hardship we experienced. However, this caused me to think about how people react to much greater challenges on much longer timeframes. And I realized that each and every challenge we experience could actually be used to test our commitments, to see how serious we are about our life and our goals. For example:
- Even though I hated the cold weather, was I still committed to living in Tucson?
- Even though Mad Dog was cranky and grumpy, could I still be patient and love him completely?
- Even though I couldn’t cook my planned meals, was I still committed to eating healthy?
- Even though I couldn’t shower, was I still committed to exercising?
As it turned out, I failed at several of my commitments this week – because of this situation I skipped the gym and ate some junky food - like pizza (because it could be delivered). However, I think I succeeded at still loving Mad Dog – I knew that I could still love him and be patient, even when he was grumpy. And for the most part I adapted to the schedule challenge – Mad Dog and I just took turns staying at home waiting for the gas company.
But I realized that almost all challenges we face could be reframed in our life to be viewed as tests, that are simply put in front of us to test how serious we are about our commitments, our goals, and our values. Challenging situations can be used to test us. And they can prompt some powerful reflection in our life. Think about these examples:
- If your exercise partner calls you before your morning run and cancels on you, will you STILL keep your commitment to exercise every day? Or will you use that opportunity to hit snooze?
- If you start your own business and you have a few slow months, and your primary customer cancels their contract, are you STILL committed to building your new business?
- If you are committed to saving 10% of your salary for your retirement fund, and your best friend invites you on a Caribbean vacation, will you STILL keep your commitment to saving 10% of your salary?
- If you are committed to your spouse/life partner, but he or she goes through a rough couple months, causing them stress and irritation, are you still sure you are committed to them?
- If you are committed to cutting sugar out of your diet, but you go to a work meeting where they are serving your very favorite, all time favorite cookies, are you still committed to not eating sugar?
It’s so easy to make a commitment when the situation is cooperating and things are running smoothly. But what about when things are NOT running smoothly, will you still be committed? Do you care enough about any goal in your life to persevere NO MATTER WHAT? Will you allow the challenges you face to reinforce your commitment instead of derail it? I think it’s important that we be aware of our TRUE level of commitment to our goals.
I realize now that if I was 100% committed to my own fitness, I would not have skipped my CrossFit class this week. If I was 100% committed to eating healthier, I would not have ordered pizza when the oven was off. I let the gas situation derail my weekly structure. And while there is something to be said for being flexible and adapting to a situation, I could have adapted AND exercised. But I didn’t - I caved in and used the excuse to be lazy.
This just shows me that I need to increase my commitment to my fitness and my nutrition. My commitment was insufficient to outweigh the weather challenges.
However, my commitment to Mad Dog was strong and consistent. The crankier he got this week, the more flexible and patient I became. And loving him didn’t feel difficult or challenging at all, I felt content to balance out his irritation. If this week was a test of my commitment to our relationship, I was 200% committed.
But I think this week has shown me that every challenge can be a gift, when we think of each challenge as a test. If you think about it, everything in our life can be viewed as a test, because everything that happens in our day can be viewed as something which either confirms we are “on track” with our life, or we are not. When we are on track with our life then nothing can derail us because we won’t allow it.
And if everything in our life is a test, then every reaction matters, and every response we have can teach us something. Now the question becomes, are we paying close enough attention to realize when we are on track with our life?
However, my commitment to Mad Dog was strong and consistent. The crankier he got this week, the more flexible and patient I became. And loving him didn’t feel difficult or challenging at all, I felt content to balance out his irritation. If this week was a test of my commitment to our relationship, I was 200% committed.
But I think this week has shown me that every challenge can be a gift, when we think of each challenge as a test. If you think about it, everything in our life can be viewed as a test, because everything that happens in our day can be viewed as something which either confirms we are “on track” with our life, or we are not. When we are on track with our life then nothing can derail us because we won’t allow it.
And if everything in our life is a test, then every reaction matters, and every response we have can teach us something. Now the question becomes, are we paying close enough attention to realize when we are on track with our life?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
How Do I Love CrossFit? Let Me Count the Ways...
If you answered yes to these questions, then you might be familiar with the insane world of CrossFit. CrossFit is one of those things in the world that you have to experience to really understand it, because it changes the way you think about the world and your physical capabilities. CrossFit is not a casual part time hobby. Either you do CrossFit or you don’t. Yes, it does sound a little bit like a cult, and yes, there are some people who act like they are in the CrossFit cult. But the cultists are the minority.
Like most significant things in my life, I can’t remember when exactly I first heard about it. I joined my first Crossfit gym around November of 2008. I trained there until March of 2009, then stopped because of my Ironman training. I built a CrossFit gym at home and trained in it from 2009 – 2010. Then around October of 2010 I joined another gym again, mostly so I’d have other people around to challenge me and push me.
And having other people around has made all the difference.
In a nutshell, CrossFit as a training regime is about developing 10 separate fitness domains: cardiovascular/respiratory endurance, stamina, strength, flexibility, power, speed, agility, balance, coordination, and accuracy. In essence it is about the opposite of specialization; it prides itself on developing “total” fitness.
The way I define CrossFit for my coworkers is simpler: you do really crazy workouts, really fast, with heavy weights until you puke.
Generally, there are 2 types of workouts: there can be a set of exercises that you complete as fast as possible for time, or there is a set time period, and you complete as many exercises as possible within that time period. In either instance, you are doing something intense while you race against the clock.
Which brings me to another of one of the unique challenges that is often overlooked about CrossFit – not only are you doing crazy intense things, but while you are being physically taxed, you still need to keep your head focused to do a lot of counting. And who knew that basic counting could be so hard? Well it turns out that when you’re trying to use all your mental capacity to keep from puking, that counting thing can get pretty hard.
Here’s a few sample workouts CrossFit workouts:
Annie: As fast as possible, do 100 pull-ups, 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups and 100 squats.
Helen: Do 3 rounds of this set - Run ¼ mile, 21 kettlebell swings, and 12 pull-ups.
Murph: 1 mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 squats, 1 mile run.
There are a ton of diverse and intense workouts, but they all challenge your body in very unique ways. If you google CrossFit you can check out some of the videos – they are worth watching. If you need inspiration today for your workout, go watch one of the videos. Go. Now.
What’s most ironic is that while Crossfit is an insanely intense physical challenge, it is the mental challenge that is most beneficial for me. The reason I keep coming back is because Crossfit is training me how to give a complete 100% effort. Not 80% or 85% or 95%, but a complete 100% effort.
As hard as it is to admit, I have rarely in my life ever given 100% effort, because I learned early on in my life that it is safer to hold back. It is safer to keep something in reserve and not be vulnerable. This is a profound life pattern that has shown up many times in my life.
In the world of endurance training, running, and triathlons, it is considered "smart" racing, if you can do a negative split - that means that the second half of your workout is at a faster pace than your first half. A negative split means that you raced "smart" because you didn't overdo it the first half, you didn't wear yourself out too much. You paced yourself appropriately to have enough energy to slightly speed up the second half of the race.
I could always do a negative split in triathlons and marathons, because I always planned my race to run safe. I always had a little extra something left in reserve, just in case.
CrossFit requires the exact opposite of that. CrossFit does NOT reward a negative split - CrossFit requires that you give 100% in every segment, so that by the end of your workout, you are just trying to stay standing. CrossFit workouts require that you give 100% during the first few minutes, and then you just try to hang on to be able to finish the workout. If you come close to puking, then you slow down just enough to avoid puking. That's the measure of a good workout - how close you came to puking.
Although this doesn't necessarily sound fun, it is incredibly important training for life. Because how many of us, in our lives, have trained ourselves to give 100% every minute of the day? How many of us have physically and mentally trained our bodies and minds to push ourselves to the absolute limit of what we can tolerate before collapsing?
After some of my best workouts:
- My legs have been shaking so much I could not walk up the stairs in my house.
- My arms have been so worn out I could now lift them to wash my hair in the shower.
- My hands have been so sore I could not grip the phone for a phone call.
These are signs that I trained to my limit - that I pushed beyond the normal, ordinary physical limits. And how often does that happen in our typical, corporate, ho-hum grown-up lives?
The best part of my workout is when I walk out the door of the gym after the workout, knowing it is only 7:00 am, and I have already accomplished something amazing for the day.
CrossFit is a method for training my physical body. But the impact and the benefit for my life go far beyond the physical. At this point in my life, I don't want to play things safe and I don't want to leave anything in reserve. If I want to live my life full out, then I need to embrace the lessons of CrossFit.
Sometimes when we want to change our mental habits, we need to start by changing our physical habits.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Happiness Is...(part 2)
I've been doing a lot of writing lately in the old school style - in an actual notebook. Spiral bound. With a real ink pen and everything. And there's just something I still love about notebooks and paper. Don't get my wrong, I L...O...V...E my MacBook, yes I do, but I can't give up my love for paper. Especially when I'm flying on planes, because it's such a hassle to get the computer out and power it up with such little space. And then you have to power down for the landing, and it's all just so silly.
On a related tangent, I still haven't decided how I feel about ebooks. I know they are the future, I know that people love them and their marketshare is growing dramatically, but they just feel sort of fake to me. It's like a book isn't a book unless I can turn down the pages and put it on a bookshelf when I'm done. I am sure that I will convert eventually but for right now I'm still clinging passionately to the 1500 books in my library (Mad Dog claims that he actually counted all my books and I'll take his word for it).
So anyway, as I was writing in my old school notebook, I was capturing all the ideas I have for this blog and a soon-to-come expanded website. And I'm starting to brainstorm about several recurring series I'd like to organize here in the blog. One of the benefits of being new to blogging means I can totally experiment with different concepts and ideas and hopefully people will give me feedback.
One idea that I keep circling back to is related to a previous post from early January, "Happiness Is." I'm drawn to the simplicity of this concept - basic list making - because I think that happiness is both personal and straightforward. Even though a book search on "Happiness" at Amazon shows 20,820 results, and even though I have a masters degree in what some people call happiness research, I fundamentally believe that we don't need to complicate what makes us happy. I think that if we pay close attention to our lives, and we listen carefully to the individual moments that make up our days, we discover what makes us happy. I happen to believe we could all benefit from paying better attention to what makes us happy. I don't think we always need to search for happiness, as much as we need to remember it, and open up to it, and make room for it. In other words, listen more and chase less.
So I'd like to start a recurring series of "happiness lists" - from myself and other people. Yes I realize that other people publishing online have already taken different twists on this concept, and I'd encourage you to read them also - because there are just so many awesome websites out there today! Here's 3 of my personal favorites that you might enjoy:
The Happiness Project
1000 Awesome Things
ThxThxThx
With all that being said, here's my next Happiness list. Please feel free to add to the list in the comments, or share your feedback. I'm listening.
Happiness Is...
...Running a bath and getting the water temperature exactly right.
...Waking up in the morning, without an alarm clock, and feeling perfectly rested and alert.
...Finishing a round of golf in the late afternoon, when the shadows are long and the sun turns the mountains dark red.
...The first day of feeling healthy aftertwo three weeks of being sick.
...Waiting for my luggage at baggage claim, and my suitcase is the first one out of the chute.
...Coming home after work to find that someone else cleaned my house.
...When I sit down on the couch and Charly comes over to give me a huge dog hug.
...When Mad Dog gives me flowers for absolutely no special occasion at all.
...Having an impromptu breakfast in Boston with a friend I hadn't seen in 9 months.
...Being in Boston during a terrible snowstorm, and on the day I'm supposed to fly home, my flight is the only flight NOT cancelled.
...Watching our amazing communities in Tucson pull together to support each other after such a senseless tragedy.
...Having a 9 hour work meeting end after 7 hours.
...Watching the sun set over the Tucson mountains, from the airplane as I'm flying home.
What's on your happiness list?
On a related tangent, I still haven't decided how I feel about ebooks. I know they are the future, I know that people love them and their marketshare is growing dramatically, but they just feel sort of fake to me. It's like a book isn't a book unless I can turn down the pages and put it on a bookshelf when I'm done. I am sure that I will convert eventually but for right now I'm still clinging passionately to the 1500 books in my library (Mad Dog claims that he actually counted all my books and I'll take his word for it).
So anyway, as I was writing in my old school notebook, I was capturing all the ideas I have for this blog and a soon-to-come expanded website. And I'm starting to brainstorm about several recurring series I'd like to organize here in the blog. One of the benefits of being new to blogging means I can totally experiment with different concepts and ideas and hopefully people will give me feedback.
One idea that I keep circling back to is related to a previous post from early January, "Happiness Is." I'm drawn to the simplicity of this concept - basic list making - because I think that happiness is both personal and straightforward. Even though a book search on "Happiness" at Amazon shows 20,820 results, and even though I have a masters degree in what some people call happiness research, I fundamentally believe that we don't need to complicate what makes us happy. I think that if we pay close attention to our lives, and we listen carefully to the individual moments that make up our days, we discover what makes us happy. I happen to believe we could all benefit from paying better attention to what makes us happy. I don't think we always need to search for happiness, as much as we need to remember it, and open up to it, and make room for it. In other words, listen more and chase less.
So I'd like to start a recurring series of "happiness lists" - from myself and other people. Yes I realize that other people publishing online have already taken different twists on this concept, and I'd encourage you to read them also - because there are just so many awesome websites out there today! Here's 3 of my personal favorites that you might enjoy:
The Happiness Project
1000 Awesome Things
ThxThxThx
With all that being said, here's my next Happiness list. Please feel free to add to the list in the comments, or share your feedback. I'm listening.
Happiness Is...
...Running a bath and getting the water temperature exactly right.
...Waking up in the morning, without an alarm clock, and feeling perfectly rested and alert.
...Finishing a round of golf in the late afternoon, when the shadows are long and the sun turns the mountains dark red.
...The first day of feeling healthy after
...Waiting for my luggage at baggage claim, and my suitcase is the first one out of the chute.
...Coming home after work to find that someone else cleaned my house.
...When I sit down on the couch and Charly comes over to give me a huge dog hug.
...When Mad Dog gives me flowers for absolutely no special occasion at all.
...Having an impromptu breakfast in Boston with a friend I hadn't seen in 9 months.
...Being in Boston during a terrible snowstorm, and on the day I'm supposed to fly home, my flight is the only flight NOT cancelled.
...Watching our amazing communities in Tucson pull together to support each other after such a senseless tragedy.
...Having a 9 hour work meeting end after 7 hours.
...Watching the sun set over the Tucson mountains, from the airplane as I'm flying home.
What's on your happiness list?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Are You Serious About Your Life?
I've been doing a lot of blog reading lately, and I’m really impressed by how many high quality blogs are out there. I've also been looking around to hire some people: an accountant, a web designer, an attorney, etc. I’m not planning anything complicated, but I have been researching people, their services, and their philosophies about business.
Something interesting I've noticed is that in the world of small business, people use this phrase a lot: "When you are serious about your business, you. This is interesting, because it seems there is a real and significant line in the sand between people who are SERIOUS about running their own business, and the people who are less serious about it. It strikes me that this is true about many things in life, not just running a business. Some people are serious about improving their health, and some people are not. Some people are serious about improving their relationships, while other people are not. But in all cases, there seems to be a level of seriousness that defines people who are taking action, versus people who are not taking action but are just doing a lot of talking. Actually, I think that action might be one of the key differentiators that separates the people who are truly serious.
Now that I've reflected on this concept of "seriousness" - I think there are several ways you can tell if someone is serious about their goals, their business, their health, their relationships, or anything else. Here is how I think you can tell if someone is serious about their goals.
Top 14 Ways I Can Tell If You Are Serious About Your Goals
1. You spend more time acting on your goals than you do talking about them.
Did you know there are 100,00 people in the USA who complete a marathon each year, but there are 200,000 who say they are going to run a marathon. Ok, not really – I just made up that statistic. But we all probably know someone who has made a grand declaration but never followed through on it. Hopefully you are not that person. It would be interesting if we could collect data to compare the number of times a week that we think about our goals, versus the number of times each week we take action towards our goals. We probably wouldn’t like the data that was collected. If you are serious about your goals then you are probably too busy taking action to do all that much talking anyway.
2. You hire people with expertise who can help you.
Going back to the marathon example, if you are a first time runner, you might want to work with a running coach or fitness trainer. If you are planning to grow your business, you might need the help of a marketing expert. When I was training for triathlons, I hired an online coach to develop my weekly training schedule. When you are serious about something, you know there are a lot of smart people with a lot of relevant expertise, and you are willing to hire those experts to help you.
3. You write out a schedule, with specific deadlines, and milestones.
If you are serious about your goals, then you should do know what you will accomplish and when you will accomplish it. If you can’t figure out any important milestones because your goals are too nebulous to create a schedule, then you are probably just daydreaming about your goals. You’re not serious. When you are serious, you know your specific products and deadlines. When I set out some of my 2011 goals, I identified specific milestones, with dates, and I committed to blog twice a week for 52 weeks. Even when I don’t really feel like it, I have a schedule to keep.
4. You set aside money to invest in your goals.
You really only have two things you can invest: your time and your money. And when you are serious about something in your life, then you are willing to invest money in it. Furthermore, you think about those dollars as an investment, an investment in yourself. Because you are investing in yourself, you are happy - even thrilled - to write that check. When I was doing Ironman triathlons, I made to make some significant investments: in a bike, in race registrations, in running shoes, and dozens of other things. All those things cost money. And they all showed that I was serious. This year, I invested money in new office furniture and I am THRILLED to have spent that money.
5. You set aside time to invest in your goals.
You really only have two things you can invest: your time and your money. And when it comes to accomplishing your goals, time is usually more valuable than money. Your time is scarce, and you probably have dozens of other priorities competing for your time. What’s that phrase about the urgent usually takes precedence over the important? Well when something IS important and you SERIOUS about your goals, then you set aside the time. Every day and every week. Time to run, or time to write, or time to spend on date night with your sweetheart. If I want to know what you are serious about, then I should be able to figure it by looking at your schedule for the past month.
6. When something else comes up, which would qualify as an EXCELLENT and justifiable distraction, you don't let yourself get distracted.
Let’s be honest here, there are dozens of awesome distractions available to us every single minute. The internet has enabled entirely new levels of procrastination. Even when you set aside a regular schedule to start that running plan, there’s always something else that might come up: that emergency at work, or the dog needs to go to the vet, or you suddenly ran out of milk, or your best friend decided to stop by and wants to go to happy hour. If you are serious about your goals, then you resist the distractions and focus on your plan. You will say no to your best friend for happy hour that night and you’ll schedule happy hour for a day when you won’t have to skip your 5 mile run. When you are serious, then NOTHING gets in your way and your friends will understand. That’s why they are your friends.
7. You ask for help from other people, because you know that you can learn from them.
When you are serious about your goals, you don't get jealous of other people. You have no need for jealousy, because you know you are on your own path and you will get to where you want to go. Which means that you are eager and curious to learn from other people. When you are serious, you want to soak up all the knowledge and wisdom that you can from everyone you know. When you are serious, you ask for help, you listen to what other people have to say, and you are appreciative of their support. When you are serious, you know that you won’t succeed alone. I recently scheduled a phone call with a good friend who just happens to develop websites. I picked her brain and I learned a ton, and she gave me lots of ideas to consider. When I was first buying a road bicycle, I asked for help from a friend of a friend I barely knew. But she was willing to help and even went bike shopping with me. Most people are willing to help, you just need to be willing to ask.
8. You don't use the word "maybe."
There is no ambivalence about your goals when you are serious. You might say something like "I am going to do xyz." You never say things like "I might run a marathon if I can find a good coach, and some running partners, and if I can find the time to train." Nope, that won't work because you have things backwards in that sentence. IF you are serious about running a marathon, THEN you WILL find a coach, and you WILL find running partners, and you WILL find time to train." When you are serious, there are no maybes. If you are serious, then you don’t flake out. Please: Don’t be a flake!
9. You don't get fazed by rejection or disappointment.
When you are serious, you are committed for the long haul, and you don't get fazed by short term obstacles or let downs. You find a way through the disappointment and you keep moving forward, you don't get stuck. You know that obstacles are just there to test your commitment and help you uncover what is most important. When you are serious, you will NOT be deterred. If you are training for your marathon and it’s raining on Sunday morning when you are supposed to run 12 miles, well then you go run those 12 miles in the rain. Or the snow. Or the mud. When you serious, you don’t let little silly things like weather get in your way.
10. When you describe your goal, you hold your head up and you make eye contact.
This reflects your commitment to the goal, and your faith in yourself. Body language speaks volumes, and when you are serious about your life, your body language indicates this. If your voice quivers or you can’t make eye contact, then you need to practice being serious. Look yourself in the mirror and practicing saying your goal out loud. Practice saying it to the person next to you on the airplane – practice saying it to the mailman or whoever, but when you say it out loud, say it like you mean it. Say it with your whole body.
11. You learn how to use the tools that you will need for your goals.
A golfer knows the difference between her driver and her 7 iron and her sand wedge. A cyclist knows how to change a tire and adjust their brakes and align their saddle. A runner knows the different between a tempo run and an interval run and a recovery run. Every sport and every discipline has its own tools. If you are serious about a goal, you’ll figure out which tools you need to learn and you’ll learn them. When I was first learning about cycling I sat through a 2 hour class about how to repair my bicycle chain. At the end of that class I concluded that the best way to fix my bicycle chain would be to hitch a ride home and take the bike chain to a bike shop. But hey, I learned how to use the chain tools, and then I memorized the phone number to the bike shop. My point is this: when you are serious about a goal in your life, then you will get smart about the tools you will need.
12. You start collecting critical data about your goal in order to track progress.
You can keep a list, or mark up your calendar, or find any way that works to track your progress on a regular basis. Ben Franklin had 13 virtues he wanted to improve in, so he created a daily matrix and scored himself on that matrix at the end of every day by how well he demonstrated those virtues. He tracked this for years. He was serious. No matter what your goal is, I’m sure you can figure out some data that you can track in order to measure your progress. And when you are doing great, be sure to give yourself a gold star.
13. You are disciplined about what you do every day.
If you are serious about your goals, then you will figure out a daily routine that supports your priorities. Some people I know exercise every day as soon as they wake up. Some people use the first 30 minutes of their day to write, or meditate, or walk. One person I know runs outside every day at lunch, no matter what. Routines are powerful things, and if we are serious about our goals, we will design a routine and stick to it. I had a friend who was committed to developing a better relationship with his kids, because he found that he was coming home too stressed out from work to be present with them. So he created a new routine where his entire drive home was silent – no radio, no music, no cell phone. Just 20 minutes of silence in the car, so when he arrived home he was relaxed and happy to play with his kids. Our routine doesn’t have to be complicated, but we do have to be disciplined about it.
14. At the end of the day, you did something you are proud of.
Maybe the best thing you did last week is you walked 3 miles. Or maybe you went to the gym every day, or you interviewed for a new job, or you bought a new computer or you paid off a debt or you sold a piece of your art. But if you are serious about your life, then you should have done something that moved you closer to your goal. And don’t discount your tiny accomplishments, because one small action every single day adds up over time, and we all have to start somewhere.
Now what do you think: Are you serious about your goals? If you aren’t serious, then why not, and what would it take for you to get serious?
Something interesting I've noticed is that in the world of small business, people use this phrase a lot: "When you are serious about your business, you
Now that I've reflected on this concept of "seriousness" - I think there are several ways you can tell if someone is serious about their goals, their business, their health, their relationships, or anything else. Here is how I think you can tell if someone is serious about their goals.
Top 14 Ways I Can Tell If You Are Serious About Your Goals
1. You spend more time acting on your goals than you do talking about them.
Did you know there are 100,00 people in the USA who complete a marathon each year, but there are 200,000 who say they are going to run a marathon. Ok, not really – I just made up that statistic. But we all probably know someone who has made a grand declaration but never followed through on it. Hopefully you are not that person. It would be interesting if we could collect data to compare the number of times a week that we think about our goals, versus the number of times each week we take action towards our goals. We probably wouldn’t like the data that was collected. If you are serious about your goals then you are probably too busy taking action to do all that much talking anyway.
2. You hire people with expertise who can help you.
Going back to the marathon example, if you are a first time runner, you might want to work with a running coach or fitness trainer. If you are planning to grow your business, you might need the help of a marketing expert. When I was training for triathlons, I hired an online coach to develop my weekly training schedule. When you are serious about something, you know there are a lot of smart people with a lot of relevant expertise, and you are willing to hire those experts to help you.
3. You write out a schedule, with specific deadlines, and milestones.
If you are serious about your goals, then you should do know what you will accomplish and when you will accomplish it. If you can’t figure out any important milestones because your goals are too nebulous to create a schedule, then you are probably just daydreaming about your goals. You’re not serious. When you are serious, you know your specific products and deadlines. When I set out some of my 2011 goals, I identified specific milestones, with dates, and I committed to blog twice a week for 52 weeks. Even when I don’t really feel like it, I have a schedule to keep.
4. You set aside money to invest in your goals.
You really only have two things you can invest: your time and your money. And when you are serious about something in your life, then you are willing to invest money in it. Furthermore, you think about those dollars as an investment, an investment in yourself. Because you are investing in yourself, you are happy - even thrilled - to write that check. When I was doing Ironman triathlons, I made to make some significant investments: in a bike, in race registrations, in running shoes, and dozens of other things. All those things cost money. And they all showed that I was serious. This year, I invested money in new office furniture and I am THRILLED to have spent that money.
5. You set aside time to invest in your goals.
You really only have two things you can invest: your time and your money. And when it comes to accomplishing your goals, time is usually more valuable than money. Your time is scarce, and you probably have dozens of other priorities competing for your time. What’s that phrase about the urgent usually takes precedence over the important? Well when something IS important and you SERIOUS about your goals, then you set aside the time. Every day and every week. Time to run, or time to write, or time to spend on date night with your sweetheart. If I want to know what you are serious about, then I should be able to figure it by looking at your schedule for the past month.
6. When something else comes up, which would qualify as an EXCELLENT and justifiable distraction, you don't let yourself get distracted.
Let’s be honest here, there are dozens of awesome distractions available to us every single minute. The internet has enabled entirely new levels of procrastination. Even when you set aside a regular schedule to start that running plan, there’s always something else that might come up: that emergency at work, or the dog needs to go to the vet, or you suddenly ran out of milk, or your best friend decided to stop by and wants to go to happy hour. If you are serious about your goals, then you resist the distractions and focus on your plan. You will say no to your best friend for happy hour that night and you’ll schedule happy hour for a day when you won’t have to skip your 5 mile run. When you are serious, then NOTHING gets in your way and your friends will understand. That’s why they are your friends.
7. You ask for help from other people, because you know that you can learn from them.
When you are serious about your goals, you don't get jealous of other people. You have no need for jealousy, because you know you are on your own path and you will get to where you want to go. Which means that you are eager and curious to learn from other people. When you are serious, you want to soak up all the knowledge and wisdom that you can from everyone you know. When you are serious, you ask for help, you listen to what other people have to say, and you are appreciative of their support. When you are serious, you know that you won’t succeed alone. I recently scheduled a phone call with a good friend who just happens to develop websites. I picked her brain and I learned a ton, and she gave me lots of ideas to consider. When I was first buying a road bicycle, I asked for help from a friend of a friend I barely knew. But she was willing to help and even went bike shopping with me. Most people are willing to help, you just need to be willing to ask.
8. You don't use the word "maybe."
There is no ambivalence about your goals when you are serious. You might say something like "I am going to do xyz." You never say things like "I might run a marathon if I can find a good coach, and some running partners, and if I can find the time to train." Nope, that won't work because you have things backwards in that sentence. IF you are serious about running a marathon, THEN you WILL find a coach, and you WILL find running partners, and you WILL find time to train." When you are serious, there are no maybes. If you are serious, then you don’t flake out. Please: Don’t be a flake!
9. You don't get fazed by rejection or disappointment.
When you are serious, you are committed for the long haul, and you don't get fazed by short term obstacles or let downs. You find a way through the disappointment and you keep moving forward, you don't get stuck. You know that obstacles are just there to test your commitment and help you uncover what is most important. When you are serious, you will NOT be deterred. If you are training for your marathon and it’s raining on Sunday morning when you are supposed to run 12 miles, well then you go run those 12 miles in the rain. Or the snow. Or the mud. When you serious, you don’t let little silly things like weather get in your way.
10. When you describe your goal, you hold your head up and you make eye contact.
This reflects your commitment to the goal, and your faith in yourself. Body language speaks volumes, and when you are serious about your life, your body language indicates this. If your voice quivers or you can’t make eye contact, then you need to practice being serious. Look yourself in the mirror and practicing saying your goal out loud. Practice saying it to the person next to you on the airplane – practice saying it to the mailman or whoever, but when you say it out loud, say it like you mean it. Say it with your whole body.
11. You learn how to use the tools that you will need for your goals.
A golfer knows the difference between her driver and her 7 iron and her sand wedge. A cyclist knows how to change a tire and adjust their brakes and align their saddle. A runner knows the different between a tempo run and an interval run and a recovery run. Every sport and every discipline has its own tools. If you are serious about a goal, you’ll figure out which tools you need to learn and you’ll learn them. When I was first learning about cycling I sat through a 2 hour class about how to repair my bicycle chain. At the end of that class I concluded that the best way to fix my bicycle chain would be to hitch a ride home and take the bike chain to a bike shop. But hey, I learned how to use the chain tools, and then I memorized the phone number to the bike shop. My point is this: when you are serious about a goal in your life, then you will get smart about the tools you will need.
12. You start collecting critical data about your goal in order to track progress.
You can keep a list, or mark up your calendar, or find any way that works to track your progress on a regular basis. Ben Franklin had 13 virtues he wanted to improve in, so he created a daily matrix and scored himself on that matrix at the end of every day by how well he demonstrated those virtues. He tracked this for years. He was serious. No matter what your goal is, I’m sure you can figure out some data that you can track in order to measure your progress. And when you are doing great, be sure to give yourself a gold star.
13. You are disciplined about what you do every day.
If you are serious about your goals, then you will figure out a daily routine that supports your priorities. Some people I know exercise every day as soon as they wake up. Some people use the first 30 minutes of their day to write, or meditate, or walk. One person I know runs outside every day at lunch, no matter what. Routines are powerful things, and if we are serious about our goals, we will design a routine and stick to it. I had a friend who was committed to developing a better relationship with his kids, because he found that he was coming home too stressed out from work to be present with them. So he created a new routine where his entire drive home was silent – no radio, no music, no cell phone. Just 20 minutes of silence in the car, so when he arrived home he was relaxed and happy to play with his kids. Our routine doesn’t have to be complicated, but we do have to be disciplined about it.
14. At the end of the day, you did something you are proud of.
Maybe the best thing you did last week is you walked 3 miles. Or maybe you went to the gym every day, or you interviewed for a new job, or you bought a new computer or you paid off a debt or you sold a piece of your art. But if you are serious about your life, then you should have done something that moved you closer to your goal. And don’t discount your tiny accomplishments, because one small action every single day adds up over time, and we all have to start somewhere.
Now what do you think: Are you serious about your goals? If you aren’t serious, then why not, and what would it take for you to get serious?
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Life Lessons From The Dog Whisperer
“Dogs are a vehicle to reconnect with a balanced state of mind.”
- Cesar Millan, aka “The Dog Whisperer”
Here at our house, we have a slight addiction to the Dog Whisperer – the show on the National Geographic Channel. It features Cesar Millan, the superstar dog trainer, who I SWEAR is actually half dog, half human. Cesar has an absolutely unique ability to connect to dogs, to understand what is going on with them, and then to help modify their behavior. It’s sort of spooky how quickly he can “listen” to the energy of the dog and diagnose the situation. However, most of his interventions focus on changing the behavior of the humans. As he says on his show, “I rehabilitate dogs, and I train humans.” In that way, Cesar is really just like a therapist, he helps people understand what is going on with their dog, but really he helps them understand what is going on with their life.
As a side note, Cesar’s personal story is also amazing – he was an illegal immigrant who came across the California border and was basically broke and homeless when he first got a job washing dogs in Los Angeles. His life story has just taken off since then.
This past week we were watching one of the brand new episodes of the Dog Whisperer. It occurred to me that while Mad Dog and I have very different perspectives on the world, we both have learned a tremendous amount from Cesar - it’s one of the things we agree on more frequently. And I think that Cesar is an example of the fact that we can learn a great deal about how to live our lives from some of the most unexpected places. So without further introduction, here are the top 6 life lessons we can learn from the Dog Whisperer.
Lesson #1. Most dog problems are fundamentally people problems. In order to modify the dog behavior, Cesar first has to understand what is going on with the human.
What this means for everyone: Whenever we examine a "problem" in our life - we need to look at everyone and everything around the problem. Sometimes what we perceive to be the problem is really just the SYMPTOM of something else that is going on. Dog misbehavior is a symptom of some other imbalance in our life. If our child, or our coworker or our spouse is “misbehaving” – what else is going on that would cause that symptom? We have to start with the root cause of the problem, not with the symptom.
Lesson #2. Most problems are related to the energy that we project. Dogs just pick up on the energy we project. They don’t understand our language, they only understand our energy. When a dog is behaving poorly, we need to first identify the energy we are projecting that they are reacting to. What's going on with our energy that is impacting the dog?
What this means for everyone: Sometimes, we need to ignore the words and the language that someone says, and pay attention to the non-verbal dynamics that are doing on between people. If we turn off the sound, and listen with our whole body, we can learn to hear what is really going on with our energy and the energy of the people around us.
Lesson #3. When a dog has learned a pattern of bad behavior, we can use the "power of the pack" to reteach them how other dogs behave better. Cesar will frequently take the dog away and have them come live with his pack of dogs so they can learn new behaviors. Sometimes, we are not the best teachers, but we need to figure out who else to use to teach (other dogs). The re-training doesn't have to come from us, and sometimes it comes fastest from a group of other dogs.
What this means for everyone: Sometimes, we need to find the right peer group to interact with when we want to make a life change. Sometimes, we just can't make changes all alone, it’s just really really hard. We should learn to USE the positive power of peer pressure to make positive changes in our life. We need to find the right people who can teach us what we most want to learn and then surround ourselves by those people so we can learn from the right pack.
Lesson #4. Dogs have the potential to help humans heal their own challenges. The dog is really just a mirror for what is going on with the human.
What this means for everyone: Anything – absolutely anything - in our life can help us heal and grow, if we open up to the possibility of that. Our dog, our spouse, our manager, our child, our client or our neighbor - all of these people in our life can help us grow, IF we open up continually to our own growth.
Lesson #5. There is no magic wand. Even though Cesar can come in to a home and diagnose the problem, the human has to do the real work to create the transformation and change the dog’s behavior. Cesar can't do the work for them.
What this means for everyone: We have to be committed to our own change and know what we want to be different in our life. When Cesar comes in to help someone, he always asks something to the effect, of "how can I help you" - and "what would improvement for your dog look like" -- so the human states right up front what is important to them. Cesar then focuses his effort around helping them make that specific change. Similarly, we have to know what we want in our life and we have to be willing to "do the work" that is necessary.
Lesson #6. Transformation is always possible. Cesar never ever gives up on any dog. Sometimes, he gives up on trying to help the humans, but overall, he believes in the extraordinary potential of every dog. Every dog is worth helping and every dog is capable of change. He particularly loves the big, powerful, aggressive breeds, possibly because they are so frequently misunderstood.
What this means for everyone: We should never give up on ourselves. Change is always possible. We just need to try different approaches and be clear about what outcomes we want in our life.
Cesar has one goal he shares repeatedly on nearly every show – this is his description of the ideal state of every human being: “Calm, assertive, energy.” If humans project calm, assertive, energy, then their dogs will respond very well to that. So will all the other people around them.
So this is my wish for everyone this coming week – may you all experience calm assertive energy, and may you all experience a balanced state of mind.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Epic Adventures Ahead in 2011
There are people in this world who like to invest their time and money in buying things. Things for the house, or things to wear, or things to drive, or things to hang on the wall. I love buying things as much as the next person: I love my golf clubs, and my pink bicycle, and my MacBook and iPod and my running shoes. I also really love our new comfy couch and awesome office furniture. Did I mention that I love my paper shredder? I also love to buy luggage and backpacks. So yeah, I like having cool things that serve a functional purpose.
But I also love having great experiences. These are intangible things that are fleeting: going to a concert, running in a race, taking a trip. At the end of the experience, all you have are your memories of the experience and maybe some decent photos. I happen to believe that these memories count for a lot in life.
When I am old and grey, sitting in my rocking chair on the front porch, I want to have good memories of great times. If my memory holds up that long, I want to remember back to the epic adventures that I had throughout my life, adventures that I shared with the people that I love and care about.
Which is why I have made some important decisions this week, some of which I’ll need your help with:
1. I’m going to ride my bicycle 620 miles from San Francisco to San Diego in October
2. I’ve committed to raising $10,000 for the Challenged Athletes Foundation
3. I’m going to organize and host a golf tournament – as a fundraiser
Yes, all three of these decisions are related. Let’s start with the bike ride.
A friend of mine celebrated his 40th birthday by riding his bike from Canada to Mexico. He took a month to do it. I always thought that sounded like a fun adventure, but I can’t figure out how to take a month off to do that right now. And 30 days is a LONG TIME on a bicycle. However, I do like the idea of planning a memorable adventure to celebrate a birthday – somehow that just seems appropriate.
I first heard about this ride last year after another friend completed this ride last year – she described it as one of the most memorable experiences of her life. When I researched more about this, I realized it was perfect for me, because (1) It’s a challenging bike ride, which will require significant training, (2) It’s a beautiful and scenic ride, all along the California coastline, and (3) It supports an organization and cause that is totally aligned to things I truly believe in. The ride takes place over seven days – we start on October 15 in San Francisco, and finish on October 21 in San Diego. Just 2 days before my birthday!
The bike ride is a fundraiser for The Challenged Athletes Foundation (CAF). In case you’re not familiar with CAF, they provide opportunities and support to people with physical disabilities so they can pursue active lifestyles through physical fitness and competitive athletics. CAF believes that involvement in sports at any level increases self-esteem, encourages independence and enhances quality of life. This organization enables people with physical challenges to participate and compete in the sports the rest of us take for granted. What I love about their mission is that they are NOT just helping people with disabilities live typical, ordinary lives. They are actually helping the challenged athletes become remarkable competitive athletes. Athletes who do marathons and Ironmans and compete in races around the world. These are not people who consider themselves "victims" - these are people who lost a limb and then decide to compete in a marathon or a bike race. These are people who are setting an example for everyone about what it means to live with courage and hope.
I am particularly inspired by their program “Operation Rebound” which provides sports opportunities and support to our troops and veterans of any branch of service and first responders who have served honorably and have suffered permanent physical injuries. They award grants to help the veterans with event travel, lodging, entry fees, training and equipment. You can read some amazing stories about these extraordinary veterans here:
Each year, CAF organizes this bike ride as a fundraiser - called the Million Dollar Challenge (MDC). They limit the ride to 100 participants, each of whom agree to raise $10,000 for CAF. This means that I actually have three ambitious activities ahead of me this year:
Step 1: Figure out how to raise $10,000
Step 2: Do all the necessary bike training to prepare for a long and hilly bike ride
Step 3: Actually finish the 620 mile bike ride
Which brings me to the immediate task I now have in front of me: organizing a charity golf tournament in order to help raise money for this event. Luckily, I know people who know people, and I’ve already been able to confirm a date and location for the golf tournament: Saturday, May 7 at Oro Valley Country Club. The registration fee will be $100 per person, and that includes golf, cart, and lunch. It’s really an awesome deal on one of the MOST beautiful golf courses in Tucson.
So now you are probably all inspired and you want to know what you can do to help. Right? Here’s what I need right now:
* Golfers. My goal is to register 100 golfers for the tournament. If you want to play, just let me know, I’ll start collecting registrations soon. Even better would be if you recruit a group of 4 of your friends to play on a team.
* Sponsors. If you would like to donate raffle prizes for the tournament, or your business would like to help sponsor the event, just let me know. I’m open to all suggestions about sponsorship.
* Volunteers. I’ll need 3 or 4 people to help with registrations on the morning of May 7, from 7:00 am to 9:00 am.
* If you have no interest in golfing, or sponsoring a golf tournament, but you just want to contribute, that’s great too! Here is my personal fundraising page, where you can make your tax deductible donation online:
Now that all the logistics are out of the way, you might still be wondering why I’m going to all this effort. I mean really, why not just enjoy 2011 from the comfort of my new couch? Why make such a big time commitment to fundraising and training and cycling?
Because my theme for this year is “Love, Act, Publish” and this totally aligns with that theme. Now that I’m finished with Ironman triathlons, I’m done with graduate school, and I’m finally moved into this house, well, I have some choices in front of me. I can choose how to spend my free time, and what to organize my time around. The year ahead is still sort of a blank slate, and I want this year to be about things I love. I love riding my bike, I love inspiring people, and I love helping people see the connection between physical health and psychological well being. This bike ride connects all three of those things.
As for the “publish” part of the year? Well of course I also plan to write about this epic adventure. I’m not just going to write about my own personal experiences, I also want to write about the challenged athletes. I intend to write and publish profiles about people who are inspiring, people who exemplify determination and grit and grace. I have a lot of ideas for how I can write about this project, and I’m really excited about all the possibilities.
When I look back on 2011, I don’t want this to be the year when I sat on the couch. I want to look back on this year and be proud of what I accomplished and I want to savor some amazing memories. I think I’m off to a good start.
Now tell me, what will you look back on and remember about 2011?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Will You Kill Your Fantasy?
Somewhere recently (I wish I could remember where)... I was reading about the idea of personal dreams, fantasies, and goals.
It’s very common for people to carry around the idea of a "life fantasy" - ways in which they would like to dramatically change their life. Because when people are not entirely happy or satisfied, they tend to daydream or fantasize about making significant life changes. Some common examples of these include:
- Someday I want to sail around the world
- Someday I want to quit my job and completely change careers
- Someday I want to teach math to 5th graders
- Someday I want to move to Key West
- Someday I want to publish a book
- Someday I want to open up a restaurant
It’s very common for people to carry around the idea of a "life fantasy" - ways in which they would like to dramatically change their life. Because when people are not entirely happy or satisfied, they tend to daydream or fantasize about making significant life changes. Some common examples of these include:
- Someday I want to sail around the world
- Someday I want to quit my job and completely change careers
- Someday I want to teach math to 5th graders
- Someday I want to move to Key West
- Someday I want to publish a book
- Someday I want to open up a restaurant
Of course, there are a million variations on this list, but the point is that when people are unhappy, they tend to spend time dreaming about an alternative reality.
The concept that I had never considered before, the one that caught my attention, is that in order to for our dreams to become reality, we have to become willing to actually kill our dreams.
Killing the dream can be very hard for people, because the dream has been such a longtime companion - the fantasy has been like a security blanket, because it has always been a constant imaginary escape hatch. And that long time dream has been very familiar and comforting.
Whenever work sucks, or family sucks, or a relationship sucks, or the weather sucks, you can comfort yourself by fantasizing, "Well this is just temporary, because next year, I am going to____________." You can minimize your dissatisfaction by thinking, "Well sure the job stinks right now, but someday when I get to sail around the world, then I’ll finally be happy.”
That my friends, is how we rationalize our own misery. That is how we justify our own dissatisfaction. And then we go back to daydreaming about that round the world sailing trip.
The problem arises when we get so comfortable with our daydream, we are not willing to make it a reality, because that is akin to bursting the bubble, to setting fire to the security blanket. The daydream, the fantasy has been our most reliable security blanket, and really, who wants to set their security blanket on fire?
In order to change our reality, we have to be willing to kill our imaginary fantasy, the one that has kept us comfort for the past ten years. And that can be a very hard thing to do.
Which is why many people never do it. Most people don't change careers, sail around the world, move to Key West, or open a restaurant. Most people just daydream about it. And talk about it. For decades, they dream about it.
Then when they are 70 years old, they are still daydreaming about it. And that daydream has become the most familiar, comfortable, friend to them. The daydream has been a permanent substitute for the real thing.
In order to make our life extraordinary, we have to be willing to kill the daydream, kill the fantasy. We must light the match and set our security blanket on fire.
In order to create the exact life that we want, we must have the courage and the faith to say goodbye to the daydream and let go of the fantasy. This isn't easy, but it is necessary.
The concept that I had never considered before, the one that caught my attention, is that in order to for our dreams to become reality, we have to become willing to actually kill our dreams.
Killing the dream can be very hard for people, because the dream has been such a longtime companion - the fantasy has been like a security blanket, because it has always been a constant imaginary escape hatch. And that long time dream has been very familiar and comforting.
Whenever work sucks, or family sucks, or a relationship sucks, or the weather sucks, you can comfort yourself by fantasizing, "Well this is just temporary, because next year, I am going to____________." You can minimize your dissatisfaction by thinking, "Well sure the job stinks right now, but someday when I get to sail around the world, then I’ll finally be happy.”
That my friends, is how we rationalize our own misery. That is how we justify our own dissatisfaction. And then we go back to daydreaming about that round the world sailing trip.
The problem arises when we get so comfortable with our daydream, we are not willing to make it a reality, because that is akin to bursting the bubble, to setting fire to the security blanket. The daydream, the fantasy has been our most reliable security blanket, and really, who wants to set their security blanket on fire?
In order to change our reality, we have to be willing to kill our imaginary fantasy, the one that has kept us comfort for the past ten years. And that can be a very hard thing to do.
Which is why many people never do it. Most people don't change careers, sail around the world, move to Key West, or open a restaurant. Most people just daydream about it. And talk about it. For decades, they dream about it.
Then when they are 70 years old, they are still daydreaming about it. And that daydream has become the most familiar, comfortable, friend to them. The daydream has been a permanent substitute for the real thing.
In order to make our life extraordinary, we have to be willing to kill the daydream, kill the fantasy. We must light the match and set our security blanket on fire.
In order to create the exact life that we want, we must have the courage and the faith to say goodbye to the daydream and let go of the fantasy. This isn't easy, but it is necessary.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
What Are You Searching For?
One day last year I was riding my bike up Sabino Canyon early in the morning before work. We live just about one mile from the canyon, and it’s a perfect hilly workout location for running or cycling because it’s short and paved. It’s 3.7 miles up into the canyon, and 3.7 miles back down. You cross 7 brides along the route. Yes, there’s always the risk of snakes and mountain lions, but I prefer to live with a little danger. So there I am, riding along, and suddenly this awesome perfect happy song came on my iPod and I found myself sort of dancing on the bike pedals and shaking my hips. The exact song wasn’t important, but if you must know, it was “I Don’t Feel Like Dancing” by Scissor Sisters. Anyway, there I am, dancing along on my bike, flying on this downhill section in this gorgeous canyon, just after sunrise, and everything is perfect in the world.
And then this thought came into my head: “Why don’t I have more happy music on my iPod?”
I immediately realized it is because I don’t actively search for happy songs. I don’t intentionally filter on happy, upbeat music. I have never typed “happy music” into the search bar on iTunes. What I do instead is this. Every few months I’ll go into the iTunes store and search the top music charts in every genre to find new music that is fast enough to workout to. I’ll pick some country, some rock, some alternative, some dance, some rap, and some pop. But I really just try to find songs that are not annoying, are not slow, and have a consistent beat that will distract me while exercising. But I’ve never once tried to search for, or select for, music that makes me smile. Which is why I don't have more upbeat music on my iPod.
Then it occurred to me that in our current online world, almost everything can be searched. Our email, our music, our photos, our videos/movies, websites, virtually ALL OF IT has the ability to be searched. And searching is just another form of filtering – we are always either filtering in content or filtering out content. And every time we apply a filter to information, we shape the reality of our results.
This is true in life as much as it is on Google or iTunes or email. The filters that we apply to our daily lives shape the fabric of our daily lives.
We have the ability to filter in or filter out people, coworkers, news, movies, television, neighbors, and animals. The fact that our daily lives are full of so much information, so much stimulus all day every day, means that we are always constantly filtering in and filtering out. Most of the time we do this unconsciously - we don’t even realize we are doing it. Yet, the very act of filtering determines the content of our days. We can choose to filter in “optimistic people” or we can choose to filter in “cranky people.” We can choose to search on “supportive friends” or we can choose to search on “geographically close friends.” I can choose to search on “new popular music” or “upbeat happy music.” The choice is always mine, even though I will frequently forget I have this choice.
The point is that we always have the ability to actively choose our filters – with the people in our lives as well as the content on our computer screens and the music on our iPods. By choosing our filters well, we can create the lives that we most want. I can have happy music on my iPod if I decide that’s what I will load. We have the capability every day to actively shape the nature of our reality, if we choose to.
So be conscious of what you search for every day, because as Mark Levy says in Accidental Genius, “You discover what you search for.”
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