The Importance of "AND"

I am an idealist. I was a peace corps volunteer. I was a high school teacher. And I fundamentally - wholeheartedly - believe in possibilities. I believe that people are full of possibilities and I believe that our lives are full of possibilities. And you can call me naïve, but I believe that we should be able to include everything that matters to us in our life – I believe there is room for everything that we value, no matter how disparate those things might be.

In other words, I don’t believe we should have to choose between things that matter to us. There is room for all of it and we should not have to choose between.

I don’t believe we should have to choose between doing work we love or making good money.

I don’t believe we should have to choose between work or family.

I don’t believe we should have to choose between our spouse or our parents.

I don’t believe we should have to choose between travel or family.

I don’t believe we should have to choose between loyalty or honesty.

I don’t believe we should have to choose between being an artist or having a family.

I fundamentally reject the notion that someone should ever have to make any of these difficult choices. Living in a world of either/or is limiting, and constraining, and unnecessary. The world is large with possibilities and either/or thinking makes the world seem far too small. Unfortunately, either/or thinking is far too common, and people spend too much energy trying to make decisions between things. And some people spend their energy actually encouraging people to make choices between things.

Instead of living in a world of either/or, we should become skilled at designing ways to include option A AND option B.

Said another way, I believe we should start with the principle of AND.

We should do work we love AND make a great income.

We should balance the time we invest in our work AND the time we invest in our family.

We should develop our family life at home AND find time to travel.

We should be loyal to people we trust AND be honest.

We should create art AND spend quality time with our family.

In other words, we should find room for all of it. If we accept the premise that there is room in our lives for everything that matters, then we need to become skilled at what I call life design. We need to get good at “designing in” everything that matters to us – this is a skill that can be learned.

If we believe that there is room for everything that matters, the question then becomes: “How do we make it all work?” And that’s an excellent question to explore. Once we get really curious about HOW to make it all work out, then we might explore how other people have made it all work. We might research options or talk to other people who seem to be role models at life design.

When I was in high school, one of my friends was really into BMX bikes. I was vaguely aware that he traveled to a lot of bike events, but I was more concerned with how we were going to get through geometry class with a passing grade. I really didn’t know any other adults who rode BMX bikes, so I assumed the BMX thing was a passing fad.

Anyway, thanks to Facebook, I caught up with Todd Lyons, and discovered that he has spent the last 20 years creating an amazing and unique life around BMX. He moved to Southern California, became famous in the BMX world, made a bunch of money, and turned his passion into a career. He is now the brand manager at a bike company and from his online journal he seems to genuinely love everything that he is doing. But more than anyone else I grew up with, Todd did a kick ass job of creating the life he wanted – because he designed in everything that he wanted in his life. He didn’t leave anything out and he didn’t settle. His life is completely unlike anyone else I know, but it is completely true to Todd.

You can read more about Todd here: http://toddlyons.com/wildman-bio/

I’m not suggesting that you live like Todd. I’m not suggesting that you live like anyone else. Instead, I’m suggesting that you live exactly like the person that you are. I’m suggesting that you live the best, most passionate and complete life that you can imagine. Even if it is unlike anyone else that you know.

There is room for everything that matters. You just need to believe that everything is possible and then get busy figuring out how to design your life in a way that works for you. No one else is going to do that for you. But life is too short to live a life that doesn’t fulfill you. There is room for work AND family AND adventures AND art AND love AND passion AND….