There are some people in the world who have a hard time saying no to anything. We all know these people who overcommit, who say yes to everything and are always exhausted and stressed out. In coaching school we learned all about how saying no is an actual skill that can be learned. Saying no means to decline something, and declining can require strength, courage, and grace. Some people are afraid to say no, for different reasons. They might be afraid to disappoint someone, they might be afraid to miss out on something, they might be afraid to close the door on possibility.
Over the past few months, I've had two opportunities where I said no. These were job opportunities. I took my time thinking about each one before I said no, and during the decision phase, I realized that saying no to each opportunity was actually helping me to say yes, to something very different.
I think people are afraid to say no to options, because saying no can actually help you find your yes. Every no closes a fork in the road. As each of the forks in the road closes, it gets easier to see which fork remains open. In other words, saying no can give you clarity about you should be saying yes to. Saying no helps illuminate the alternate route. Saying no helps you focus on yes, and it gives you clearer vision. Saying no to option A can lead you to say yes to option B.
Therefore, we should all practice saying no more often. Because saying no can lead you to your next yes.
In addition to the recent job opportunities, I can think of three other times in my life when saying no helped me say yes.
1) When I left Honduras in 1999, I knew that I was saying no to living overseas any longer. I wasn't sure what would come next, but leaving Honduras was like shouting a big loud "no" to the universe. No more living overseas. Once I said no to Honduras, I was able to get busy figuring out what to say yes to. That departure from Honduras was one of the largest turning points in my life, and saying no to overseas led to the opening of many other doors.
2) When I left the teaching profession in the year 2000, I was saying no to many things. I was saying no to poverty, no to low teaching standards and standardized tests, no to frustration and disappointment. As much as I loved education, and still consider myself an educator, I was incredibly dissatisfied working in the public schools. Once I said no to the public schools, my career trajectory changed significantly. Now, 10 years later, I'm still an educator, just in the corporate setting. And saying no to the public schools was necessary for me to create an alternate path I could say to.
3) About five years ago, I said no to a certain career path. I had been offered a few job opportunities, which would have taken me into a new career. Every time someone talked to me about this specific type of job, I wanted to puke or poke nails in my eyeballs or run screaming away into the desert. Several people had confirmed my strong potential for this career path, yet it held absolutely no interest for me. It wasn't aligned with my natural interests and passions. I knew I was absolutely capable of doing the job, I knew I could be great at it. And I was certain that I would be miserable. So after saying no to two or three of those opportunities, I knew I had to find my yes. I had to find something that I DID want to pursue, something that I could excel at AND care about. So I did just that, I went and created my own yes at work.
The act of saying no can be a signal that you need to find your yes. The act of saying no can mean that you need to go create your next yes. In my life, saying no tells me that I need to go find my yes and if I can't find it I need to create it.
Since I've said no to two job opportunities during the past couple months, I've been busy figuring out my next yes. Figuring out my next yes is about more than just my job. It's about my whole lifestyle and my future path. This next fork in the road is going to be big, it's going to be important, and it's going to shape my life.
Despite the uncertainty of everything right now, I can take comfort from my past experiences. Every time I have said no to something, I have been led to a better yes. Every time I trusted myself and listened to myself, and followed my heart, it has led me somewhere positive.
No can lead to yes. Declining something that is wrong can lead to something that is right. Have faith, and practice saying no.
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